There has been so much going on that I have a backlog of entries to update here...but barring that and lots of laundry, I am jaw-droppingly amazed at what this Kriya is doing for me. The mantra being chanted, the Ashtang mantra for the Aquarian Age, "suspends you above conflicts attracted by success and the activity of the Positive Mind". Considering the way people have been pounding away at my buttons, and one in particular who has just accused me of no longer sounding like the woman I sounded like at Winter Solstice last year, I am not surprised. Annoyed, but not surprised. Her issues, which span across such things as pissing off a horse who decided to bite her, bring up a lot of rage for her. I've seen that rage in me, and I want to progress past it. Funny that as I move deeper into reaquainting myself with the identity I lost, that she hears dissonance. I would venture that the 'distance' is the fact that I changed the status quo with her. People usually resist when you change drastically.
So, one of the other things this kriya does is "it makes you creative and focused on your real priorities and helps you sacrifice what is needed to accomplish them". I am sacrificing a lot! I sacrificed the rear end of my car to a drunk driver, in my opinion, so that I would get myself out of an uncomfortable work situation, and on to a new chiropractor who is NUCCA-certified and amazing! I had his number months ago and did not use it. The Universe kicked me there.
I've also sacrificed two friendships: one with my teacher that I wish I did not have to, and one with this young woman who I am glad is gone. I mean who needs vultures to pick over your raw spots? Really?
But more importantly, I have sacrificed the mantric seeds of pain, and the lingering effects of a concerted and probably 10-year-long magickal attack from a black Mage. Most of the time when people think they were under magickal attack, it's just their own issues. Magickal attack like that is rare, but it is an abuse of occult powers gained from either what amounts to Western Yoga of The Order of the Golden Dawn (a light path), to paths such as the Order of Nine Angles (one of the darkest I have ever researched and seen), to Eastern Yoga techniques. All of these, on the path of knowledge and wisdom can be used well or abused. What was perpetrated against me was flat out Black Tantric. I learned what I could, and I fought fire with fire, trying to stay in the light. With my efforts came power, and with power comes temptation. I am glad I weathered the storm, and know that it was not through my efforts alone. God was there. Family was there. Friends and angels were there, along with many personal and archetypal demons.
The magickal attack began actually in 1997, with the advent of a spiritual awakening through Kripalu Yoga. My attacker could not bear to see me follow the path of Light, so he did what he could to try to sever my connection to Source, and to almost completely destroy my sense of identity. He even chuckled when he saw my copy of Milan Kundera's novel "Identity", and said, that the woman in the story was me. He likened me to Sophie in Somerset Maugham's "The Razor's Edge", saying I would kill myself with drugs and alcohol. Over the years after I left him, I almost did. He said I could never leave him, and that if I did, I would never be free, that he would always be there.
Some people have said not to even speak of him, that he is like Chtulu, the great monster leviathan in R'yleh, the fantasy city upon which a magickal mythos is based through fantasy literature and what is known as Chaos Magick. But I speak of him because I am not afraid anymore. He cannot touch me.
And this mantra is doing what it purports to do: allowing me to consciously remember the link between myself and the Creator, etching into my subconscious memory what was almost completely erased long ago: the "memory and experience of my true identity". I know that I do too many practices, and had resolved, after speaking with Hari Simran Singh to drop them all except for Bound Lotus. Yet somehow, this one still begs to be completed on Christmas Day, and not sooner. I hope I finish this practice on Christmas Day at Winter Solstice. That is my wish and prayer. May the Light hold me safely to that goal and support me.
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