Shaking, Twitching and Rocking

Day 3 of White Tantric:

Last night Harijiwan Singh led a Gong Healing Full Moon Meditation. Hari Purkh came by to snag me and drag me, sleeping bag and all, to the circle. I lay down and partook of the energies, exhausted as I was. Harijiwan said this was an amazing time during which we could access incredible energy because of the lunar eclipse. I think the last time there was a lunar eclipse was in 1684? The Tantric facilitator said no one was on record documenting how that prior event felt to people, and that Yogi Bhajan had always said to keep a diary. She suggested that we document our experiences through this powerful, powerful time of releasing deeply held emotions. Harijiwan said there are forces on both the light and the dark side working to harness the energy. He urged us to work for the Light.

This morning's light came and I made it up for the third day with Ranjeet. It was hard with her. She moved a lot, but I like her. We had a lot of fun giggling over some of the hokey marches and music we had to listen to, and I felt awesome after the first two hours. Dharampal Kaur and Singh were across from us. I'd been next to them on the first day. Bear (with his turban-wrapped Yogi Bearjan) and his girlfriend were just down from us. Obed Moses and a young woman from New York were next to us. It was fun until the last two meditations.

For 62 minutes we'd be whistling. God! I can't whistle on the exhale. I hated it. I felt like a bazillion flies were crawling on me! I smacked myself in the head a couple of times spontaneously. It was awful. I had memories of having to perform oral sex for my tormentor years ago....needless to say I raised my hand for a monitor and then left, intending not to come back. Ranjeet had not helped. She kept gazing away. I was mad, I was hurt, I wanted to cry and scream and rage, just like last Winter. I literally stomped out.

In the cabin I ran into Emma, who held me, smoothed my hair, and let me cry. She said she knew about PTSD, because she had it. She talked about trauma-releasing techniques. I had experienced that in Saul David Raye's workshop in '09. She said that when the trauma comes up you can harness the energy through these techniques, much like we were doing in the Full Moon Healing Circle, but by purposefully shaking, rocking and twitching, like the Quakers. Sufi spinning and Kundalini Yoga were recommended too...

We talked and sat. Finally I made it back for the last meditation. I didn't want to abandon Ranjeet. We finished, hugged, and I went back to my tent to curl up again under the healing energy of the oak covered in Spanish moss. The home of dozens of spiders and creepy-crawlies as well as birds and green leaves and light. It's all part of the design of nature, I guess.