I plan on, at some point, in the near future, beginning a practice of Doei Shabd Kriya to bring my focus more deeply to three bhandas of moola bhanda, uddiyana bhanda, and jalandhara bhanda, but more specifically to re-connect with the root chakra and it's connection to the ajna chakra. The ajna chakra is the command center, the site of the pituitary gland, and the seat of intuition. Everything about doing 120 days of Laya Yoga was for me about expanding my intuition. Part of that, I only realized very late into the practice, requires opening the root chakra, the mooladhara, and expanding that energy upwards to pierce through the knots, or granthis, and open into the sahasrara as expanded consciousness.
That top granthi, the brahma granthi, is a psychic knot like the others, that when broken, releases amrit, or divine nectar. My name, Amrita, seems apt. I've known, of course, that the kundalini energy needs to rise from the base of the spine upwards, but somehow, much in the way one might go looking for one's glasses while they are actually on the end of one's nose, I just didn't figure I would have to open up the basement floors and look at all the junk ~ the lust, anger, rage, hatred, fear and pain. Well guess what? I figured it out.
And something pulled me today not only to read more about Doei Shabd Kriya as a further continuation of practicing Laya Yoga, but to pick up Swami Buddhananda's book "Moola Bhanda: The Master Key". His words, first written in 1978, in India, touched not a nerve, but the base chakra:
"Breaking through the barriers
"Moola bhanda offers an infinitely powerful technique capable of breaking down the rigid barriers that have been built up in the mind over the years, thereby expelling deep unconscious conflicts and complexes that are not easily accessible to modern psychological techniques. This is because of moola bhanda's action on mooladhara chakra and the pranas of the body. Psychiatry on the other hand relies on drugs and other physical processes, or psychotherapy, which cannot get into the depths of the mind.
"Even abreaction therapy could not help some people, such as severe depressives too inhibited to release the required amount of emotion to break up the depressive condition. Perhaps this was because these more severe and long-term conditions had become cemented into the body and mind and thus were no longer amenable to abreaction, because abreaction only allows free unconscious material to rise and be expelled, not concentrating on the physical aspects of anxiety.
"Wilhelm Reich's work with repressed sexual energy exemplifies the above concepts. He formulated the concept of 'character armour' or muscle tension and posture rigidity which he says makes itself felt as 'character resistance' (instinctual desires and defensive functions of the ego).
"Character armour, for Reich, represented layers of defence mechanisms which had been psychosomatically transferred into the physical body and could be pictorially schematized similar to geological or archaeological stratification. As such it represented the 'solidifed history, of the patient, the deeper tensions being the oldest.' Reich states that conflicts which have been active at a certain period of life always leave their traces in the character, in the form of physical and mental rigidity. Each conflict forms a layer in the individual's character. Each of these layers in the character structure is a piece of life history which is preserved in another form, that is, physically, and is still active. He demonstrated that by loosening up these layers, the old conflicts could - more or less easily - be revived. If the layers were particularly numerous and functioning automatically, if they formed a compact unit which was difficult to penetrate, they seemed like an 'armour' surrounding the living organism. The armour may be superficial or deep-lying, soft as a sponge or hard as nails. However, in each case its function was to protect against displeasure.
"Reichian schools of psychology have developed various forms of exercises which resemble asanas and mudras, designed to release pent-up emotions, anxieties and repressions. These exercises concentrate on releasing prana, which they call bioenergy. (This reminds me of the Trauma-Release Techniques that I learned from Saul David Raye, as well as Kundalini Yoga Kriyas) Thus it is similar in many respects to moola bhanda and other yogic techniques. However, no abreactive, Reichian, or relaxation therapy in psychology has yet utilized the perineum in contraction, let alone the perineal body and cervix. ( This is key, really, because I doubt seriously that within the last 30 years anything has changed in that respect.)
"The technique of moola bhanda had been a closely guarded secret for millennia. By contracting the mooladhara chakra we have a more powerful technique than all the modern psychological techniques put together. They look like child's play compared with a technique offering infinite bliss, knowledge and enlightenment.
"We have seen many cases of severe depression clear up quickly and without emotional or psychic trauma through the practice of moola bhanda even though the individuals concerned were close to suicide. They experienced old memories, emotions, and experiences, but because of training in detached awareness, the memories passed into consciousness and out again, like bubbles floating harmlessly to the surface and bursting.
"So moola bhanda has the potential to release us from the depressions, neruoses and other psychological problems that dampen our joy in life and prevent us from fulfilling our potential, through raising of kundalini shakti. Moola bhanda is safe (when practised according to the instructions), efficient and simple. Coupled with its purgative qualities, capable of 'spring cleaning' the mental and emotional body, moola bhanda is a technique to open the door to freedom, joy and liberation."
This is incredible, I think, that I have never read this before. I am really convinced now that I need to more actively practice this in the future with Doei Shabd Kriya.
Though this is a lot of information for one post, I think the following is also rather pertinent:
"Moola bhanda is a psychic practice which manipulates the pranic body, especially apana, by contracting mooladhara chakra. It sends energy up to ajna and sahasrara chakras directly and thereby stimulates all the other chakras as it travels through the sushumna.
"The Chakras
"The chakras are whirling vortices of energy which exist in the pranic (etheric) body of man at the linking points between the body and the mind. They occur at the intersection of ida and pingala in sushumna, being psychosomatic points, where mind and body touch.
"There are fourteen major chakras. The seven lower chakras are: atala, vitala, sutala, talatala, rasatala, mahatala, patala. They represent evolution from basic anatomy structures to mineral life, then plant, lower animals, and so on. The seven main chakras (shat chakras) are mooladhara (perineal body/cervix), swadisthana (tip of coccyx), manipura (navel), anahata (heart), vishuddhi (throat), ajna (eyebrow centre, and closely related to mooladhara chakras), sahasrara (crown of the head; not always included in the shat chakras because it does not lie within the merudanda - spinal cord). Each higher chakra represents a more subtle frequency of pranic energy and a higher level of consciousness. They are like switches which turn on different parts of our psychophysiological mechanism."
Hm. Why did I not catch before how deeply an imbalance and blockage in the root chakra would affect my intuition? If the foundation isn't strong, how can the house stand up under pressure? Armed with more information for the journey, I will eventually embark on a practice of Doei Shabd Kriya, but meanwhile, my journaling and diary entries in blog format will go back to where they originally began: on the blog I created to help me stick to doing 1,000 Days of Bound Lotus. Sat Nam. Namaste. Wahe Guru!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
As The Plot Thickens...
It always seems the 'The Morning After' completing a Kundalini Yoga practice for 40, 90, or 120 days brings a flood of newfound insights; as if the well of wisdom has now become deeper.
Sitting in my living room listening to Delerium's "Nuages de Monde" CD is making me flow to places in my mind and thoughts that are making extraordinary connections. It is facilitating the exploration of spontaneous impulses to draw several books down from my library-like shelves. This always happens when an extreme insight is on its way...
The 6th track on Delerium's CD is 'Tectonic Shift'. The way the music runs the gamut from minor to major and back to minor key is music to my soul on any day, but today in particular. I think of plates shifting within the earth, within my mind, and within my skull. My chiropractor has explained how the gentle adjustment techniques of NUCCA Upper Cervical Care can be felt as a shifting of the plates of the skull back into place. I visualize it as a three-dimensional puzzle, where someone has left the cardboard not a bit flush with the other pieces, and he is pushing it back in.
Along with that sensation and visualization, I see how, since everything comes from and is created by sound, the musical soundtrack to that 'tectonic shift' in my skull could be something like this music. A minor, skulking, cautious sound that morphs into joy, slips into caution again, then back into joy. Back and forth, as the plates continue to adapt to accepting the proper placement they have not felt in literally years!
When I open the CD booklet, the liner notes for several tracks grab my attention:
'Sister Sojourn Ghost', featuring Katharine Blake and Medaeval Babes ~
"The words to this song are made up by Katharine Blake in her own secret language, and so it is very much about the sound of the words and not the meaning. Originally she intended to replace them with 'proper' lyrics, but eventually liked the sound of the words so much she left them in place!"
This is marvelous! I feel as if my body speaks a private language of its own, expressly to me, and it will always be that way. No one, not even my former stalker, can crack that code. No one. Ever. That language is mine, and others, if they 'hear' it can only just revel in the musicality of it.
'Indoctrination', featuring Kiran Ahluwalia ~
"The rhythm of this track instantly gave me the feeling of momentum. I imagined an epic journey -- a caravan with a special quest. Once I got the idea of traveling to find something, then the words came to me... 'Chalo ni sakhi, dhundo moray mun ke khevaiya' This translates as 'Come with me my friend, lets find the one who will guide the well being of my mind."
For me that would be already found, in my Gurdwara at home, with the Siri Guru Granth Sahib. That would be my true Husband Lord.
'Extollere', featuring Katharine Blake and Medaeval Babes ~
"The words to this song are an extract from a Middle English poem entitled 'Love for a Beautiful Lady': they recount how the poet, ovrseas and parted from his loved one, pleads with the Northern wind to blow his beloved home to him so they may be reunited."
'Angelicus', featuring Isabel Bayrakdarian ~
"The pieces I sing are based on excerpts from medieval Armenian hymns, dating as early as the 5th century. Only the words Alleluia and Amen are sung and the rest are all vocalises. I've always believed that the profound music of the Armenian Church transcends cultural and language barriers; thus, one doesn't necessarily have to understand the Armenian language to 'feel' this music in their heart and establish a connection with the divine God."
I'd never read this before years ago when I bought the CD. I'd bought Delerium's first CD while in Chicago to see Bjork with someone who couldn't love me. Looking back, I see this as the true Source of all Love reaching out to me, and trying to help me see where he really was in my heart all along. And she is right, you can simply and utterly feel it.
Once, when I was all of 13, my family was in Cologne, Germany getting of a boat that had traveled up the Rhine River from Wiesbaden. As we stepped off, we came around a corner to hear the Latin High Mass in Cologne Cathedral. Its high black spires grew up as if from the earth like a rock formation against the rainy, gray sky...but inside, the light was visible. The sound was heavenly and healing. And even though I had studied one year of Latin already at prep school, I gave up trying to make out the words and just listen to it.
The beauty of communication without words is present for me in the music of the string instruments: of the violin and cello, of the bass. Hans Christian's recent CD of classical-based cello compositions make my soul sing. The titles of the tracks hold me in just as much awe as the liner notes for Delerium's CD.
And there is a little more to come...
Sitting in my living room listening to Delerium's "Nuages de Monde" CD is making me flow to places in my mind and thoughts that are making extraordinary connections. It is facilitating the exploration of spontaneous impulses to draw several books down from my library-like shelves. This always happens when an extreme insight is on its way...
The 6th track on Delerium's CD is 'Tectonic Shift'. The way the music runs the gamut from minor to major and back to minor key is music to my soul on any day, but today in particular. I think of plates shifting within the earth, within my mind, and within my skull. My chiropractor has explained how the gentle adjustment techniques of NUCCA Upper Cervical Care can be felt as a shifting of the plates of the skull back into place. I visualize it as a three-dimensional puzzle, where someone has left the cardboard not a bit flush with the other pieces, and he is pushing it back in.
Along with that sensation and visualization, I see how, since everything comes from and is created by sound, the musical soundtrack to that 'tectonic shift' in my skull could be something like this music. A minor, skulking, cautious sound that morphs into joy, slips into caution again, then back into joy. Back and forth, as the plates continue to adapt to accepting the proper placement they have not felt in literally years!
When I open the CD booklet, the liner notes for several tracks grab my attention:
'Sister Sojourn Ghost', featuring Katharine Blake and Medaeval Babes ~
"The words to this song are made up by Katharine Blake in her own secret language, and so it is very much about the sound of the words and not the meaning. Originally she intended to replace them with 'proper' lyrics, but eventually liked the sound of the words so much she left them in place!"
This is marvelous! I feel as if my body speaks a private language of its own, expressly to me, and it will always be that way. No one, not even my former stalker, can crack that code. No one. Ever. That language is mine, and others, if they 'hear' it can only just revel in the musicality of it.
'Indoctrination', featuring Kiran Ahluwalia ~
"The rhythm of this track instantly gave me the feeling of momentum. I imagined an epic journey -- a caravan with a special quest. Once I got the idea of traveling to find something, then the words came to me... 'Chalo ni sakhi, dhundo moray mun ke khevaiya' This translates as 'Come with me my friend, lets find the one who will guide the well being of my mind."
For me that would be already found, in my Gurdwara at home, with the Siri Guru Granth Sahib. That would be my true Husband Lord.
'Extollere', featuring Katharine Blake and Medaeval Babes ~
"The words to this song are an extract from a Middle English poem entitled 'Love for a Beautiful Lady': they recount how the poet, ovrseas and parted from his loved one, pleads with the Northern wind to blow his beloved home to him so they may be reunited."
'Angelicus', featuring Isabel Bayrakdarian ~
"The pieces I sing are based on excerpts from medieval Armenian hymns, dating as early as the 5th century. Only the words Alleluia and Amen are sung and the rest are all vocalises. I've always believed that the profound music of the Armenian Church transcends cultural and language barriers; thus, one doesn't necessarily have to understand the Armenian language to 'feel' this music in their heart and establish a connection with the divine God."
I'd never read this before years ago when I bought the CD. I'd bought Delerium's first CD while in Chicago to see Bjork with someone who couldn't love me. Looking back, I see this as the true Source of all Love reaching out to me, and trying to help me see where he really was in my heart all along. And she is right, you can simply and utterly feel it.
Once, when I was all of 13, my family was in Cologne, Germany getting of a boat that had traveled up the Rhine River from Wiesbaden. As we stepped off, we came around a corner to hear the Latin High Mass in Cologne Cathedral. Its high black spires grew up as if from the earth like a rock formation against the rainy, gray sky...but inside, the light was visible. The sound was heavenly and healing. And even though I had studied one year of Latin already at prep school, I gave up trying to make out the words and just listen to it.
The beauty of communication without words is present for me in the music of the string instruments: of the violin and cello, of the bass. Hans Christian's recent CD of classical-based cello compositions make my soul sing. The titles of the tracks hold me in just as much awe as the liner notes for Delerium's CD.
And there is a little more to come...
Monday, January 24, 2011
Finishing 120 Days of Laya Yoga!!!! Wheeeeee!!!
I am on the threshold. Do I continue? I don't think so. The instructions said to do this practice for 40, 90 or 120 days. There was no mention of doing 1,000 days. I feel drawn to continue with a form of Laya Yoga, just not this one. Maybe Doei Shabd Kriya? I want to expand my practice with mantra back to what it used to be before with Sanskrit mantra. I just recited the mantra in the language of men (out loud), of lovers (in a whisper), and of the angels (silently). And even though it is said that angels communicate through music, I want to hear the deeper music of the Naam.
Besides, when I finished 90 days, I felt a huge release of pressure and bliss began to flow over me. By the next day, when I decided to continue on to 120 days, I felt that pressure resume. I want a break. I need a break, and this practice was begun as part of a homework assignment for Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training which was to be done only for 40 days. It is the Level 2 teachers who are to do a practice for 90 days. So I went the whole nine-yards, and now I will stop.
I need time to say the Ra Ma Da Sa every day for my Dad, who is undergoing radiation treatment for prostate cancer, and my friend Dan, who has just been released from the hospital for colon and liver cancer. He has gone home to begin eating solid foods, and he and my father could definitely use some prayers and mantras.
Tomorrow, I will give my first attunement of the year to Reiki, and I have a lot to prepare for...the apartment is still a mess, and I need to revue the history of Reiki, and Usui Mikao's background with the Mikkyo mystical sect of Tendai Buddhism, with his family's historical connections to the Samurai warriors of Japan, and his status as a Shugendo practitioner, or Shugenda. I need to review the practice of the Three Diamonds.
But my mind is wandering...off to think lustful and loving thoughts about a man with curly red hair. For the last several days, I haven't really been able to keep him off my mind. Today, however, I will be taking a page from the book's explanation and claim that practicing the Ashtang mantra as a Laya Yoga practice will, among other things, help you to let go of what is not necessary to actually get things done. I can't have my mind distracted by my schoolgirl-like crush, so I, for the first time today, decided definitively not to let it come to bear while trying to focus on preparing for the attunement tomorrow.
And now, a measure of peace, much like the peace I felt descend yesterday during and after Gurdwara, has descended. Miraculously, the painful aching lustful desire I feel has dissipated somewhat...mellowed into warm and kind thoughts of friendship with love from the heart. It seems that if I want to access the strength to bring my focus toward where it should be for now, it is much easier for me to do it now than it was before I embarked upon this practice, and also, it would appear, much easier to do than it is for some men! I have had a bit of a taste, I think, of how powerfully the lower chakras can influence the male animal to have his attention where it should not be. If that is what it feels like, then I feel a little more sympathetic toward the male animal, but I still expect them to behave themselves...as I expect myself to do so as well. This is not the time. And having made that decision brings me a measure of peace that I have not felt in weeks.
I'd say this practice was a rousing, or 'arousing' success! Either way...
Besides, when I finished 90 days, I felt a huge release of pressure and bliss began to flow over me. By the next day, when I decided to continue on to 120 days, I felt that pressure resume. I want a break. I need a break, and this practice was begun as part of a homework assignment for Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training which was to be done only for 40 days. It is the Level 2 teachers who are to do a practice for 90 days. So I went the whole nine-yards, and now I will stop.
I need time to say the Ra Ma Da Sa every day for my Dad, who is undergoing radiation treatment for prostate cancer, and my friend Dan, who has just been released from the hospital for colon and liver cancer. He has gone home to begin eating solid foods, and he and my father could definitely use some prayers and mantras.
Tomorrow, I will give my first attunement of the year to Reiki, and I have a lot to prepare for...the apartment is still a mess, and I need to revue the history of Reiki, and Usui Mikao's background with the Mikkyo mystical sect of Tendai Buddhism, with his family's historical connections to the Samurai warriors of Japan, and his status as a Shugendo practitioner, or Shugenda. I need to review the practice of the Three Diamonds.
But my mind is wandering...off to think lustful and loving thoughts about a man with curly red hair. For the last several days, I haven't really been able to keep him off my mind. Today, however, I will be taking a page from the book's explanation and claim that practicing the Ashtang mantra as a Laya Yoga practice will, among other things, help you to let go of what is not necessary to actually get things done. I can't have my mind distracted by my schoolgirl-like crush, so I, for the first time today, decided definitively not to let it come to bear while trying to focus on preparing for the attunement tomorrow.
And now, a measure of peace, much like the peace I felt descend yesterday during and after Gurdwara, has descended. Miraculously, the painful aching lustful desire I feel has dissipated somewhat...mellowed into warm and kind thoughts of friendship with love from the heart. It seems that if I want to access the strength to bring my focus toward where it should be for now, it is much easier for me to do it now than it was before I embarked upon this practice, and also, it would appear, much easier to do than it is for some men! I have had a bit of a taste, I think, of how powerfully the lower chakras can influence the male animal to have his attention where it should not be. If that is what it feels like, then I feel a little more sympathetic toward the male animal, but I still expect them to behave themselves...as I expect myself to do so as well. This is not the time. And having made that decision brings me a measure of peace that I have not felt in weeks.
I'd say this practice was a rousing, or 'arousing' success! Either way...
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Dreaming my Dreams
I had my first Indian Gurdwara experience today through the kindness of Dharamjodh. Home after a beautiful day in the whiteness and peace of the snow, I feel so happy. I felt happy talking and chatting to 9-year-old Pavandeep. This is the Grace of the Guru. God Bless.
While at Gurdwara, one of the ladies with me on the women's side motioned to me to get up and said, "Your husband is waiting for you." I smiled hugely. Dharamjodh is my friend and brother, but I realized in that instant that I enjoyed hearing those words, and I would like for there to be someone in my future that those words could be said about and have them be true. That just makes me smile. And the more I thought about it, I realized that there is someone already for whom I wish that were true.
Where I really get nervous about this realization, besides the fact that it can't really happen in any form or fashion right now, is that I don't just feel warm fuzzies towards him, I feel a ravenous lustful hunger. This is likely partly due to the fact that I have for many, many, many years tried to remain celibate simply to keep from losing more energy than I had to lose years ago. It is also, because, as they say, I have "issues" down there. I don't like to feel my lower chakras at all! What is that quote from the Gnostic Gospels? If you bring forth what is inside you, what is inside you will save you. If you do not bring forth what is inside you, what is inside you will destroy you. Basically, acknowledge your personal demons, and accept that maybe they aren't demons really, but supressed parts of your psyche that are angry and bitter at having been supressed and repressed.
I know why I supressed my desire. In the past, I was always attracted to men who were extremely unhealthy for me, and fit easily into patterns of abuse that were already set in place. With all these years of work and meditation behind me to get out of those 'ruts' and 'bad grooves', can I trust myself now to make a good choice?
While at Gurdwara, one of the ladies with me on the women's side motioned to me to get up and said, "Your husband is waiting for you." I smiled hugely. Dharamjodh is my friend and brother, but I realized in that instant that I enjoyed hearing those words, and I would like for there to be someone in my future that those words could be said about and have them be true. That just makes me smile. And the more I thought about it, I realized that there is someone already for whom I wish that were true.
Where I really get nervous about this realization, besides the fact that it can't really happen in any form or fashion right now, is that I don't just feel warm fuzzies towards him, I feel a ravenous lustful hunger. This is likely partly due to the fact that I have for many, many, many years tried to remain celibate simply to keep from losing more energy than I had to lose years ago. It is also, because, as they say, I have "issues" down there. I don't like to feel my lower chakras at all! What is that quote from the Gnostic Gospels? If you bring forth what is inside you, what is inside you will save you. If you do not bring forth what is inside you, what is inside you will destroy you. Basically, acknowledge your personal demons, and accept that maybe they aren't demons really, but supressed parts of your psyche that are angry and bitter at having been supressed and repressed.
I know why I supressed my desire. In the past, I was always attracted to men who were extremely unhealthy for me, and fit easily into patterns of abuse that were already set in place. With all these years of work and meditation behind me to get out of those 'ruts' and 'bad grooves', can I trust myself now to make a good choice?
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Just before the 'Swan Song'
I've been drawing closer to finishing 120 days of Laya Yoga with the Ashtang mantra, after having originally begun it for 40 days! The instructions for the practice say that one can commit to it for 40, 90, or 120 days. Each time I passed a mark, I wanted to continue. 90 days were completed on Christmas, which was kinda cool, because the music from Sat Kartar's album that I was listening to, sampled Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite, specifically The Dance of the Sugarplum Faeries. What could be more dear to a girl's heart? And at that, a girl who loves to dance?
Speaking of dancing, I went to see "Black Swan", and was floored. Not only did I see exactly what that jerk was referring to when he tried to seduce my ass, but much more importantly, I was blown away by the beauty of the film, and the poignancy of Natalie Portman's acting.
I have to say that I am one of those high-falutin', intellectual, art-house film movie snobs, and yet I am deeply impressed by this movie. So what if it crosses into the horror genre? Psychological horror such as this is the thinking man's horror, and it accurately gives the feel of what it might feel like to have your mind short-circuit on you.
This movie also made me think of the young schizophrenic in Kathe Koja's story from the 90's ~ "Strange Angels". He is turning into an angel, and is falling for another angel against the wishes of a young man who is obsessed with him. "Black Swan", in my mind, is sort of an amalgamation of Phantom of the Opera, Mommie Dearest, and Koja's story. Plus, the stories that my friend Paul ('The One Man Riot') told me make it pretty surreal and dead-on about the schizophrenia. What I want to know is, was she imagining the ending as well? And did we, as the audience, start to believe the unreal as well? Which brings me back to Koja's book, because in that you can't tell if the friend of the angel is just hallucinating himself?
Additionally, for those purist ballet critics, so what if it isn't technically tight, and Natalie Portman's port-de-bras need work? Wasn't her teacher saying that technicality wasn't everything? Could any of the 'technically-oriented' ballerinas like Rojo put on the performance of their lives as actresses as well as dancers in a film? Maybe. Maybe not.
If someone made a movie about the downwardly-spiraling psyche of an exotic dancer, as a former one, I don't think I'd quibble over whether her pole-dancing was technically 'on' point. I'd be looking to see if they could portray the highly competitive nature of the lo-brow 'dance world', and the way the industry can make it hard to keep your bearings as you twirl and shake your bootie across the stage. Not to mention the damage to one's spine and knees with 14 years of excessive daily shoulderstands, headstands, forward rolls and other such ways to destroy your body. I'd be curious to see how they portrayed the way men in positions of power, old dancers obsessed with living through you, and cruel high-school tactics can make you feel as if you are going crazy.
I studied ballet, and jazz and modern. I never took pointe. I was an ice skater too. When the movie "Ice Castles" came out, I don't remember my fellow ice skaters and I quibbling over whether her double-toe loops or salchows were dead on, but maybe I just missed those conversations. When "Flashdance" came out, I didn't hear strippers attacking Jennifer Beale's technique. What makes ballet dancers so snotty?
Bottom-line, when we all can get over worrying about whether our port-de-bras, our booty shakes, or our salchows look perfect...at the end of the day this movie is an excellent psychological thriller that travels well the corridors of a young woman's mind crafted by her mother into a Bonsai tree, and now breaking the bounds of the tiny pot, and losing a bit of her mind as she does so much growing in a short period of time that her mind threatens to crash like a computer that's overloaded and never even seen McAfee to boot.
Food for thought, on why my mind seemed to crash so horrendously itself years ago...and why it seems to be 're-formatting' and cleaning the hard drive through Kundalini Yoga.
Speaking of dancing, I went to see "Black Swan", and was floored. Not only did I see exactly what that jerk was referring to when he tried to seduce my ass, but much more importantly, I was blown away by the beauty of the film, and the poignancy of Natalie Portman's acting.
I have to say that I am one of those high-falutin', intellectual, art-house film movie snobs, and yet I am deeply impressed by this movie. So what if it crosses into the horror genre? Psychological horror such as this is the thinking man's horror, and it accurately gives the feel of what it might feel like to have your mind short-circuit on you.
This movie also made me think of the young schizophrenic in Kathe Koja's story from the 90's ~ "Strange Angels". He is turning into an angel, and is falling for another angel against the wishes of a young man who is obsessed with him. "Black Swan", in my mind, is sort of an amalgamation of Phantom of the Opera, Mommie Dearest, and Koja's story. Plus, the stories that my friend Paul ('The One Man Riot') told me make it pretty surreal and dead-on about the schizophrenia. What I want to know is, was she imagining the ending as well? And did we, as the audience, start to believe the unreal as well? Which brings me back to Koja's book, because in that you can't tell if the friend of the angel is just hallucinating himself?
Additionally, for those purist ballet critics, so what if it isn't technically tight, and Natalie Portman's port-de-bras need work? Wasn't her teacher saying that technicality wasn't everything? Could any of the 'technically-oriented' ballerinas like Rojo put on the performance of their lives as actresses as well as dancers in a film? Maybe. Maybe not.
If someone made a movie about the downwardly-spiraling psyche of an exotic dancer, as a former one, I don't think I'd quibble over whether her pole-dancing was technically 'on' point. I'd be looking to see if they could portray the highly competitive nature of the lo-brow 'dance world', and the way the industry can make it hard to keep your bearings as you twirl and shake your bootie across the stage. Not to mention the damage to one's spine and knees with 14 years of excessive daily shoulderstands, headstands, forward rolls and other such ways to destroy your body. I'd be curious to see how they portrayed the way men in positions of power, old dancers obsessed with living through you, and cruel high-school tactics can make you feel as if you are going crazy.
I studied ballet, and jazz and modern. I never took pointe. I was an ice skater too. When the movie "Ice Castles" came out, I don't remember my fellow ice skaters and I quibbling over whether her double-toe loops or salchows were dead on, but maybe I just missed those conversations. When "Flashdance" came out, I didn't hear strippers attacking Jennifer Beale's technique. What makes ballet dancers so snotty?
Bottom-line, when we all can get over worrying about whether our port-de-bras, our booty shakes, or our salchows look perfect...at the end of the day this movie is an excellent psychological thriller that travels well the corridors of a young woman's mind crafted by her mother into a Bonsai tree, and now breaking the bounds of the tiny pot, and losing a bit of her mind as she does so much growing in a short period of time that her mind threatens to crash like a computer that's overloaded and never even seen McAfee to boot.
Food for thought, on why my mind seemed to crash so horrendously itself years ago...and why it seems to be 're-formatting' and cleaning the hard drive through Kundalini Yoga.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
The Radiant Body
I have a question for anyone reading:
Do you understand that building your Radiant Body means connecting to everybody in the sense that you can hold all the world's pain and happiness in your heart without it hurting from being so full of both joy and misery? That to get there you have to become neutral and able to get past aversions to misery and bliss, and conversely, attachments to misery and bliss? I myself am by no means there, but I am trying. If you don't wish to join me in continuing down this path to learning to care about more than the tiny finite self, then by all means stop reading right here, because you will then likely feel aversion to what I have to say next. Go on then. Go get high off some yoga instead. Hurry...your bliss is waiting!
If you are still reading, be forwarned that the rest of this entry on the Radiant Body contains all sorts of things designed to provoke both irritation and the pursuit of bliss...read at your leisure, and your peril......you've been forewarned.
I don't practice yoga and meditation just get into a state of bliss and stay high there, although it appears that many do. I practice them so that I may become so strong spiritually, mentally and physically that I may be able to 'attract' blessings not only for myself but for my family. Not only for my family, but my community. Not only for my community, but for people I don't even know, for the entire world. Not only for the entire human world, but the marine and land animals. Not only other moving life forms, but plants and the core of the earth, the lava flow beneath the water and the earth. Not only for the earth but for the entire cosmos.
When I can build my Radiance to the point that I can get beyond my attachment to having my 'bliss bubble' burst, or not be overwhelmed because my life is crazy, or not be dwelling in a state of lack feeling that my life is so plagued with calamity in one of the wealthiest nations in the world that I don't have time to worry about the status of the world... then I will feel I've actually come to understand what the whole point of meditation and building your Radiant body are for in Kundalini Yoga. It definitely isn't to parade around in a costume feeling like a bliss ninny.
No, that would be an addiction. It would be being stuck in Shakti Pad, unable to move toward taking one's vibrancy and radiancy and adding it to the efforts to heal the whole world and not just your immediate family. But that truly would mean I would be an 'Advanced Meditator', as our teacher called us all at our last training weekend. That would mean that I would no longer be running around trying to do as much Kundalini Yoga as I can so I can stay 'high' on something that won't send me to jail. That would actually mean that I would no longer be a spiritual child. That would mean that I understand what building the Radiant Body is truly for...not for being blissed out and unaware of what is happening in the world, or only able to handle what is happening to my immediate family. That would mean I could care about more than just my own father's illness, and my friend Dan's, and not be overwhelmed.
Here I am 'poking and provoking', and I have this to say to the world: If you don't like it, then don't read my blog and diary.
So, to continue upon yesterday's theme, I want to quote from Siri Atma S. Khalsa, M.D.'s book "Waves of Healing":
"Good luck comes to you, not because you deserve it, not because you want it, not because you are beautiful and not because you asked for it. It comes to you because of your electromagnetic field and the radiance of your tenth body. You don't have to speak a word when your radiant body is effective. Sometimes you misunderstand and think, 'I did it, I attracted it, I got it.' That is not true. It is your confidence and the strength of the radiant body which brings success. The physical body is just a basement; the radiant body is the top story, the tenth floor."
Ah! Now my dreams at Winter Solstice make more sense. I dreamed I was in a 10-story building, and every floor below the first was part of the basement. Each was gray and damp and empty. I'd cleared out all the junk down to the third floor. Then I raced to the top to get into the sunlight, and I awoke! I awoke at the top step of the end of the basement floors. I awoke at the 9th floor, stepping into the 10th. The 10th is the radiant body.
I am cleaning house!
"That's what Kundalini Yoga is about; it builds strength in you. You become you. All your fears, conflicts and duality go away. Your reality starts coming, and things come to you because you are very attractive. The attraction is not you; it is your absolutely radiant body. The radiant body is a shining armor around you for both protection and attraction. Its radiance depends on how deeply you consume prana each day by breathing deeply."
And Yogi Bhajan himself said this ~
"You are wrong if you think your intelligence works or your words are powerful or you are very charismatic. Actually, it is your radiant body, the glow, the shine in you that works."
The Guru Gobind Singh Shakti Mantra meditation works to build this, but so does any other Laya Yoga Mantra practice, and I am doing one. This one. So if you want the light within me, don't skim off the surface, go directly to the Source. Swim up to the surface and do the work yourself. Don't feed off of me. I am a Sikh. I will teach you, but I will teach you how to fish. I will not give you the fish of my body and my energy. I will lead you to the Source of the water in which your fish swims...maybe, if I want to. If I'm not in the space to do it, you can find it without me. You don't really need me. All you need is your Self.
Do you understand that building your Radiant Body means connecting to everybody in the sense that you can hold all the world's pain and happiness in your heart without it hurting from being so full of both joy and misery? That to get there you have to become neutral and able to get past aversions to misery and bliss, and conversely, attachments to misery and bliss? I myself am by no means there, but I am trying. If you don't wish to join me in continuing down this path to learning to care about more than the tiny finite self, then by all means stop reading right here, because you will then likely feel aversion to what I have to say next. Go on then. Go get high off some yoga instead. Hurry...your bliss is waiting!
If you are still reading, be forwarned that the rest of this entry on the Radiant Body contains all sorts of things designed to provoke both irritation and the pursuit of bliss...read at your leisure, and your peril......you've been forewarned.
I don't practice yoga and meditation just get into a state of bliss and stay high there, although it appears that many do. I practice them so that I may become so strong spiritually, mentally and physically that I may be able to 'attract' blessings not only for myself but for my family. Not only for my family, but my community. Not only for my community, but for people I don't even know, for the entire world. Not only for the entire human world, but the marine and land animals. Not only other moving life forms, but plants and the core of the earth, the lava flow beneath the water and the earth. Not only for the earth but for the entire cosmos.
When I can build my Radiance to the point that I can get beyond my attachment to having my 'bliss bubble' burst, or not be overwhelmed because my life is crazy, or not be dwelling in a state of lack feeling that my life is so plagued with calamity in one of the wealthiest nations in the world that I don't have time to worry about the status of the world... then I will feel I've actually come to understand what the whole point of meditation and building your Radiant body are for in Kundalini Yoga. It definitely isn't to parade around in a costume feeling like a bliss ninny.
No, that would be an addiction. It would be being stuck in Shakti Pad, unable to move toward taking one's vibrancy and radiancy and adding it to the efforts to heal the whole world and not just your immediate family. But that truly would mean I would be an 'Advanced Meditator', as our teacher called us all at our last training weekend. That would mean that I would no longer be running around trying to do as much Kundalini Yoga as I can so I can stay 'high' on something that won't send me to jail. That would actually mean that I would no longer be a spiritual child. That would mean that I understand what building the Radiant Body is truly for...not for being blissed out and unaware of what is happening in the world, or only able to handle what is happening to my immediate family. That would mean I could care about more than just my own father's illness, and my friend Dan's, and not be overwhelmed.
Here I am 'poking and provoking', and I have this to say to the world: If you don't like it, then don't read my blog and diary.
So, to continue upon yesterday's theme, I want to quote from Siri Atma S. Khalsa, M.D.'s book "Waves of Healing":
"Good luck comes to you, not because you deserve it, not because you want it, not because you are beautiful and not because you asked for it. It comes to you because of your electromagnetic field and the radiance of your tenth body. You don't have to speak a word when your radiant body is effective. Sometimes you misunderstand and think, 'I did it, I attracted it, I got it.' That is not true. It is your confidence and the strength of the radiant body which brings success. The physical body is just a basement; the radiant body is the top story, the tenth floor."
Ah! Now my dreams at Winter Solstice make more sense. I dreamed I was in a 10-story building, and every floor below the first was part of the basement. Each was gray and damp and empty. I'd cleared out all the junk down to the third floor. Then I raced to the top to get into the sunlight, and I awoke! I awoke at the top step of the end of the basement floors. I awoke at the 9th floor, stepping into the 10th. The 10th is the radiant body.
I am cleaning house!
"That's what Kundalini Yoga is about; it builds strength in you. You become you. All your fears, conflicts and duality go away. Your reality starts coming, and things come to you because you are very attractive. The attraction is not you; it is your absolutely radiant body. The radiant body is a shining armor around you for both protection and attraction. Its radiance depends on how deeply you consume prana each day by breathing deeply."
And Yogi Bhajan himself said this ~
"You are wrong if you think your intelligence works or your words are powerful or you are very charismatic. Actually, it is your radiant body, the glow, the shine in you that works."
The Guru Gobind Singh Shakti Mantra meditation works to build this, but so does any other Laya Yoga Mantra practice, and I am doing one. This one. So if you want the light within me, don't skim off the surface, go directly to the Source. Swim up to the surface and do the work yourself. Don't feed off of me. I am a Sikh. I will teach you, but I will teach you how to fish. I will not give you the fish of my body and my energy. I will lead you to the Source of the water in which your fish swims...maybe, if I want to. If I'm not in the space to do it, you can find it without me. You don't really need me. All you need is your Self.
Monday, January 17, 2011
A Sikh Princess in Shining Armor...
...with my kirpan, and a lion of a man at my side, is what my soul aspires to. Some days my mind has other plans. Today I feel on track. My grace, my radiance builds through the daily reading of the Siri Guru Granth Sahib, through meditation, through love, through the sangat of friends and teachers, and sometimes just from sheer Grace. It is said that if a woman practices Grace of God meditation for a year, her aura will become tipped with gold or silver. That, for some odd reason, makes me think of Anne McCaffrey's fire lizards. And then I realize that Menolly was working on her 10 Bodies. She had impressed 9 fire lizard hatchlings, and they hovered around her radiant body, feeding her radiant body with energy, while being encompass by it as well.
But I don't have any fire lizards. I do have 10 Bodies, though. And according to Tantric numerology, I need to work on the 9th and the 10th; the Subtle Body and the Radiant Body.
I have felt lucky lately, but not because I deserved it or wanted it. It is partly a gift, and partly due to choices which have allowed me the grace to consume a lot of prana each day through breathing deeply. And I am not averse to giving some other Terran animal a puff off my oxygen tank, but they need to use it to rise to the surface and breathe for themselves...not dissipate my oxygen by getting high off it, and blowing it all out. People who lament how little time they have for spiritual practices need to stop bringing jealousy to bear on others who do them, and start figuring out how to carve time out of their own days to do it. Lots of people don't realize how much time they fritter away with gossip, TV watching, and puttering around. Even for busy entrepreneurs, CEOs, moms, dads, airline pilots and others...time CAN be carved out. If you wish you didn't have the responsibility of a huge business on your shoulders, sell it, or get a partner, and cut your expenditures. If you wish you were single and didn't have kids, well, you have them, so enjoy them, and look for ways to make time.
I have not created a huge business, nor a growing child. That gives me more time to create other things. I don't have time for anyone's wishing and mopping about because they don't have the time I do. I would have liked to have had children at one point, but that isn't now part of my life. I eventually would like a thriving business, but for now I have the time to work on my spiritual growth and physical health. If I don't do these things before midnight every night, then like Cinderella, the party fades for me. I have to Keep Up! So if you've got issues with jealousy, get over it. The time I have is a necessity in my life right now. The things others have in their lives are integral to theirs. Each of us is doing the best we can with what we have. My gift is time. Your gifts are yours.
But I don't have any fire lizards. I do have 10 Bodies, though. And according to Tantric numerology, I need to work on the 9th and the 10th; the Subtle Body and the Radiant Body.
I have felt lucky lately, but not because I deserved it or wanted it. It is partly a gift, and partly due to choices which have allowed me the grace to consume a lot of prana each day through breathing deeply. And I am not averse to giving some other Terran animal a puff off my oxygen tank, but they need to use it to rise to the surface and breathe for themselves...not dissipate my oxygen by getting high off it, and blowing it all out. People who lament how little time they have for spiritual practices need to stop bringing jealousy to bear on others who do them, and start figuring out how to carve time out of their own days to do it. Lots of people don't realize how much time they fritter away with gossip, TV watching, and puttering around. Even for busy entrepreneurs, CEOs, moms, dads, airline pilots and others...time CAN be carved out. If you wish you didn't have the responsibility of a huge business on your shoulders, sell it, or get a partner, and cut your expenditures. If you wish you were single and didn't have kids, well, you have them, so enjoy them, and look for ways to make time.
I have not created a huge business, nor a growing child. That gives me more time to create other things. I don't have time for anyone's wishing and mopping about because they don't have the time I do. I would have liked to have had children at one point, but that isn't now part of my life. I eventually would like a thriving business, but for now I have the time to work on my spiritual growth and physical health. If I don't do these things before midnight every night, then like Cinderella, the party fades for me. I have to Keep Up! So if you've got issues with jealousy, get over it. The time I have is a necessity in my life right now. The things others have in their lives are integral to theirs. Each of us is doing the best we can with what we have. My gift is time. Your gifts are yours.
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