I am on the threshold. Do I continue? I don't think so. The instructions said to do this practice for 40, 90 or 120 days. There was no mention of doing 1,000 days. I feel drawn to continue with a form of Laya Yoga, just not this one. Maybe Doei Shabd Kriya? I want to expand my practice with mantra back to what it used to be before with Sanskrit mantra. I just recited the mantra in the language of men (out loud), of lovers (in a whisper), and of the angels (silently). And even though it is said that angels communicate through music, I want to hear the deeper music of the Naam.
Besides, when I finished 90 days, I felt a huge release of pressure and bliss began to flow over me. By the next day, when I decided to continue on to 120 days, I felt that pressure resume. I want a break. I need a break, and this practice was begun as part of a homework assignment for Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training which was to be done only for 40 days. It is the Level 2 teachers who are to do a practice for 90 days. So I went the whole nine-yards, and now I will stop.
I need time to say the Ra Ma Da Sa every day for my Dad, who is undergoing radiation treatment for prostate cancer, and my friend Dan, who has just been released from the hospital for colon and liver cancer. He has gone home to begin eating solid foods, and he and my father could definitely use some prayers and mantras.
Tomorrow, I will give my first attunement of the year to Reiki, and I have a lot to prepare for...the apartment is still a mess, and I need to revue the history of Reiki, and Usui Mikao's background with the Mikkyo mystical sect of Tendai Buddhism, with his family's historical connections to the Samurai warriors of Japan, and his status as a Shugendo practitioner, or Shugenda. I need to review the practice of the Three Diamonds.
But my mind is wandering...off to think lustful and loving thoughts about a man with curly red hair. For the last several days, I haven't really been able to keep him off my mind. Today, however, I will be taking a page from the book's explanation and claim that practicing the Ashtang mantra as a Laya Yoga practice will, among other things, help you to let go of what is not necessary to actually get things done. I can't have my mind distracted by my schoolgirl-like crush, so I, for the first time today, decided definitively not to let it come to bear while trying to focus on preparing for the attunement tomorrow.
And now, a measure of peace, much like the peace I felt descend yesterday during and after Gurdwara, has descended. Miraculously, the painful aching lustful desire I feel has dissipated somewhat...mellowed into warm and kind thoughts of friendship with love from the heart. It seems that if I want to access the strength to bring my focus toward where it should be for now, it is much easier for me to do it now than it was before I embarked upon this practice, and also, it would appear, much easier to do than it is for some men! I have had a bit of a taste, I think, of how powerfully the lower chakras can influence the male animal to have his attention where it should not be. If that is what it feels like, then I feel a little more sympathetic toward the male animal, but I still expect them to behave themselves...as I expect myself to do so as well. This is not the time. And having made that decision brings me a measure of peace that I have not felt in weeks.
I'd say this practice was a rousing, or 'arousing' success! Either way...
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